I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize