Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
