he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
