What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
