got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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