I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
