i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
