Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
