i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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