i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
