Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
