some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think i have herpe
just one?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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