After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
