GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
