oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
