Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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