I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
