you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
