Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize