walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
