Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
