There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you had me at cake vodka
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
