fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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