Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
