Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
