Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
