Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
