I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
