saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
