the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
