i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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