We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
