Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
