I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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