You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
