i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
