when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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