Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize