I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
