I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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