Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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