after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
