Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
