I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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