so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
