No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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