the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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