Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
