Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
