And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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