so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
id be glad to
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
