Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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