mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
