I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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