I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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