I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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