Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
from now on my penis is your penis
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
