I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Randomize
