How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
