They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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