and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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