Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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