I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
