IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
