So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
