he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
