I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
