i already hear my dad disowning me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
