p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Use "feeling words"
Yay
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
