how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
