i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
