ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
