Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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