3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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