Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
