Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
