I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
