I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
