its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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