he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
