How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize