It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
