Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize