I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
