and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
