okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
