If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
