Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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